john

A pillar of light
a thousand sparkling snowflakes
aligned for me
ten thousand tiny wonders
with another million reasons
to fly to your heart
every day with no end in sight.

The deer emerged
one with its surroundings
moving quietly, slowly,
deliberately
responsive, alert
It just was
unafraid.
It blended in to become one with the forest
a piece of the world, part of the whole
Always in touch,
not intruding, not dominate
binding and complete

Cathedral cannot describe
The sanctuary of aspens
Soaring
thick and tall
Gold and white
A heaven against a brilliant blue
More intricate than Michelangelo’s vault
Color rich, visually dense
Crowded in sight
Where the slight whisper of wind
Hushes for quiet

to gaze into the night sky
is to be lost in time
a look not now but then
spinning planets
out of place
seething stars
swirling galaxies
clusters bound by gravity
torn apart by timeworn down by an unseen clock
always ticking forward

Pleasure is not complicated
The touch of love
A cool night in warm blankets
The quiet morning
Still with your thoughts
Indian summer through a world tinged with gold
A shooting star
Dark skies with whispering winds
The thrill of a cold mountain stream after a long walk
A laugh
There is a smile in every moment
Simple joys
Never waiting

Days filled with dripping gold
Rustling on switching breezes
Cool nights
A splash of stars
Pleiades rise
Seven misty sisters
Herald a change in winds

Actions cause ripples
From the people you meet and befriend or not
Choosing this thing or another
The well-worn path, the faint trace
A kind word over harsh
Flashing a smile,
Offering my hand
Actions expand like a stone thrown into a quiet lake
affecting all of space, across time, however imperceptibly
Could I create change that didn’t cause a ripple
would I want to?
Could I live a life of absolute calm
with small ripples
With enough small ripples, big changes can happen

I am drawn to you
Like a moth to flame
Like salmon returning to spawn
Starting or ending matters not
My journey begins and ends
With dusty feet
At your door

Apparently I’m not listening. To something or someone. The dreams are jumbled but it seems clear my subconscious is trying to relay this message to me.

The other night, it seems as if I was trying to meet up with my wife but she was leaving notes for me and was one step ahead. Sort of like a treasure hunt but I remember being a tiny bit (not a lot) frustrated that I was not getting to where she was. Though I remember that the feeling I got from this was that my wife was not mad at me. Unfortunately, in my dreams, I find that she is unhappy with me lots of the time. I sometimes wake in the morning and remember that she still loves me. This dream-state is something I think about often.

I was driving an old car (30s or 40s). I was pretty proud of it working well. The tires were good which matters because this was winter. The road was snowy but had been plowed. While going up a hill, I felt like I was in the Flintstones mobile. The car just wasn’t cutting it. I was surprised, checked the tires, and it continued to just eek along. I pulled into a gas station of sorts. And crawled over some junk before I was met with a dog who tried to get me to take a leash. I understood that this dog was some sort of proxy for the mechanic but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with the car so I kept telling him “good dog, I don’t know yet.” I wanted the dog to give the leash to someone else that had come up. The dog went over to the other person and for some reason I followed. The gentleman took the leash and all of the sudden I could understand the dog. Being very polite asking what was wrong with the vehicle. He told the guy he’d make sure the mechanic took a look.

Dream moved on. Very strong dream. I was paying attention to this one.

Last night: Another dream came along and for some reason I paid attention. Probably because somewhere in there was my dad. I force myself to pay attention when he comes around if only for a chance to talk with him.

There was more in front of this…but when I came in a guy that I knew as someone important in my family (like The Boss?? but not) told me that I wasn’t getting it; that I wasn’t listening. He was mad and said that since I wasn’t listening I had to do “this.” He handed me a pile of greeting cards and told me that I needed to give them to the right person for the right event. They were for events; birthdays and such, going back years. Each of them had little notes, scraps of paper, in front of them detailing something like why he wanted to give them to a certain person. I had to figure out what and who. I can almost remember what each of them said. Some of the cards were clearly from a long time ago. I read all the little notes. Somehow they got out of order or I dropped them. Ugh. I walked out of the bedroom, the gentleman was sitting at a table relaxing with friends drinking wine and ignoring me as I walked through which I thought was odd since we had just talked.

I found Arielle sitting in a chair and my mom sitting on a bed in another room. My dad was in the bathroom so I’d get to see him if I waited. My mom all of the sudden curls up in a blanket, rolls in it, tight as a pig in a blanket and rolls roughly onto the floor and across the room and slams into the fireplace at the end of the room. She doesn’t look happy. I commented to Arielle, who was ignoring me, that mom was looking pretty spry for someone of 72 to bounce along the floor like that.

End of dream…

Wind is high today
Black birds in flight
And grass tousled
By shifting concerns
Oh to slip through the breeze
Slicing upwind and across
Effortless in drafty maneuvers
One with all currents around me